--- title: "Start Before You're Ready: Progress Over Perfection" entity: "blog" canonical_url: "https://www.drerinley.ca/blog/the-hair-tie-that-almost-kept-me-out-of-the-gym" markdown_url: "https://www.drerinley.ca/llms/blog/the-hair-tie-that-almost-kept-me-out-of-the-gym" lastmod: "2026-09-21T18:01:31.176Z" --- # The Hair Tie That Almost Kept Me Out of the Gym There is a version of starting that looks like research. Deep, thorough, very responsible research. Into the best running shoes. The right meal prep containers. Which form of magnesium is most bioavailable? Whether your current water bottle is actually good enough. And then somehow, weeks go by, and you still haven't started. I say this without judgment because I have lived this. Before COVID, when my gym membership was still a thing, I distinctly remember stalling on actually going because I had not yet found the right hair tie. Not just a hair tie. The right one. For my ponytail. At the gym I was not yet attending. I'm not proud. But I am willing to bet you have your own version of this story. ## Perfect Is the Enemy of Started Here's what the research on perfectionism actually shows: there are two distinct flavours. One involves setting genuinely high standards for yourself, which tends to support progress towards goals and health behaviours. The other involves fear of making mistakes and harsh self-evaluation when you do, which consistently gets in the way. Most of us who struggle to start are dealing with the second kind. Not high standards. Fear. And that fear is expensive. It predicts lower engagement in health behaviours, more burnout, and a particular kind of all-or-nothing thinking that makes a minor slip feel like the whole thing is over. Miss one workout, abandon the plan entirely. Try a recipe that doesn't work out, decide you're just not someone who meal preps. The research calls this the lapse-relapse cycle. I call it the hair tie problem. ## What "Starting Anyway" Actually Looks Like My amazing friend and colleague, Dr. Ashley Chauvin, and I are doing this right now, in real time. We have been told (repeatedly, mostly by ourselves) that we have excellent chemistry, that we talk about health in a way that is balanced, real, and occasionally very funny, and that we should have a podcast. So we looked into podcasts. Weekly episodes. Equipment. Editing. Distribution. A whole thing. And then we decided to do what we actually know how to do. We're starting a monthly webinar instead because we understand that technology is accessible, and we can do it now. It feels like a podcast. It's called [Couch Chats.](https://youtube.com/@couchchats2nds?si=layRmUB92IhP6wxS) And if it evolves into something else later, great. We'll figure that out then. This is, I would argue, a completely reasonable approach to most things. ## It's Okay If the Chia Seed Pancakes Are Kind of Gross Health and wellness are full of moments that don't go the way you planned. You try to hit 30 grams of fibre, and the recipe is not it. You commit to a new bedtime routine and you stay up until midnight anyway. You start something, and it turns out that version doesn't work for you. That's not failure. That's information. And it's also just part of the process, which has never, for anyone, been a clean straight line. Research consistently shows that self-compassion is one of the most effective buffers against perfectionism-related setbacks. Not lowering your standards. Not giving up on your goals. Treating yourself with the same reasonable kindness you'd offer a friend who had a rough week and fell off track. It doesn't just feel better. It actually works better. Self-compassion reduces the fear of failure that causes avoidance in the first place, which means you're more likely to try again, not less. ## Progress Lives in the Pivot One of my favourite things to say to patients is: it's all figureoutable . I mean that genuinely. I have never seen a health goal that couldn't be approached from a different angle, in a smaller step, with more flexibility than whoever set the original plan imagined. Getting through the door is the hardest part. Everything after that is figureoutable. So if there's a thing you've been putting off until conditions improve, consider this your gentle nudge. Buy the mediocre hair tie. Start the webinar instead of the podcast. Try the fibre pancake and see what happens. You don't need to have it all figured out. You just need to start. ## Want more of this kind of conversation? Dr. Erin and Dr. Ashley are hosting a free monthly webinar series called [Couch Chats](https://youtube.com/@couchchats2nds?si=layRmUB92IhP6wxS) — real talk about health and wellness, no filter required. [[Join us for the next one here.]](/couch-chats-4-sign-up/landing) Can't make it live? Sign up anyway, and we'll send you the replay. Ready for a balanced, fun approach to your wellness? Let's talk! ## References Hill AP, Curran T. Multidimensional perfectionism and burnout: A meta-analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Review. 2016;20(3):269-88. doi:10.1177/1088868315596286. Harrison F, Craddock AE. How attempts to meet others' unrealistic expectations affect health: Health-promoting behaviours as a mediator between perfectionism and physical health. Psychology, Health & Medicine. 2016;21(3):386-400. doi:10.1080/13548506.2015.1062524. Germer CK, Neff KD. Self-compassion in clinical practice. Journal of Clinical Psychology. 2013;69(8):856-67. doi:10.1002/jclp.22021. Neff KD. Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual Review of Psychology. 2023;74:193-218. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-032420-031047.